Friday, December 18, 2009

Why She Cried II

Why she cried on the drive home she couldn't quite say.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was alone...maybe not literally. She was loved, to an extend she could not comprehend.
But love was a feeling she despised so pointedly this evening. It was a lost cause, she had decided.
These tears felt familiar. Like a comfort in her moment of desperate longing.
Or at least it brought back feelings of a Christmas, not yet a year past, but ages ago in the steps of her heart.
When she tried to be so strong. Few had ever heard her shed such crushing tears as she did that Christmas Eve...or cry till she shook.
Maybe it was because she knew she'd lost home. And she almost wished there was somewhere for her soul to rest.
Maybe it was because she still hasn't been able to find God, or maybe it was that she was running. Running from him.
Maybe she knew she let go something she never wanted to lose. Things always reached this point of absurdity.
Maybe she couldn't understand how he could love her. Nothing has ever felt so terrifying, so something must be real.
Maybe because her life was never an open book, and she insisted on keeping silent.
Or maybe, she's just tired of falling.

What she did know was that it hurt like hell to leave his arms where she felt safe, warm, and protected. To whom does she belong?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Tonight I feel all dolled -up & lonely.
I'm craving my comfy spot next to you,
snuggled under a blanket
with the quiet din of the movie channel in the background.
I could do without this headache & this heartache.


Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Sweetest Kind of Like.

love. Pictures, Images and Photos
9-30-09 He asked me to be his girl. <3

Friday, August 14, 2009

That's cool. I guess.

You'd said we'd be okay.
Fuck that.
That was fucked up,
and it hasn't left us okay.

You haven't messed with my heart,
you've fucked up my soul.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Is Our Story Over?

She was not perfect enough to be irresistible,

not flawed enough to be considered.



flor Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Jane Austen Quotes

Business, you know, may bring you money, but friendship hardly ever does.


Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.


I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.


Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure.


My sore throats are always worse than anyone's.


Nobody minds having what is too good for them.


One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it,
unless it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering.


The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced
that I shall never see a man whom I can really love.


There is something so amiable in the prejudices of a young mind,
that one is sorry to see them give way to the reception of more general opinions.


They are much to be pitied who have not been given a taste for nature early in life.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it,
than any other person can be.


What is right to be done cannot be done too soon.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

You've been tagged.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

________________________________________________________________________________

1. In one way or another, I am in love with everyone I have ever met.

2. My abs are insanely strong, underneath my girl fat. But I want defined abs, probably more than most guys I know.

3. There's nothing I love more than being CHOSEN.

4. I have filled 11 journals since I first started writing when I was 12. I am proud to have a record of who I have been since age twelve to look back on forever. I write about EVERYTHING, everyday if I can. I write about conversations. I analyze people & situations. I write about the things no one cares to ask me about. My journals are the first things I would grab if my house was on fire. Someday I might publish them.

5. My childhood was filled with a lot of pain (& a good bit of joy). But I used my imagination to pretend I was in a different world and was lucky enough to have amazing friends that impacted me so positively that they are the reason I still smile today.

6. My mom is my hero. She is the strongest person I know. She has the kindest heart.

7. I blog. Everyone should blog.

8. A tan body=A hott body. My body does not tan, because my heredity does not allow pigment to be produced in my skin. Therefore, no matter how fit my body is, I will NEVER look hotter than the tan girl sitting next to me at the beach.

9. If I could look like any celebrity it would be Blake Lively. She is beyond gorgeous.

10. I love it when people call me by name. There's also something special about hearing someone say your name for the first time. I like being called Joy.

11. Holidays are my FAVORITE! I always make a big deal of all of them. I always get all worked up with excitement. I buy gifts, make cookies, dress up, etc. I tend to feel disappointed when no one else is as excited as me.

12. I believe patience is the key.

13. I am not the kind of girl who worries about eating in front of other people. I've been known to go to a restaurant with my friends and be the only one eating. That's right, go ahead and watch me eat.

14. I give. Until it hurts. (I try to do for others what I can only wish they will one day think to do for me.)

15. Floor hockey is my sport. I am sad that no one plays it. I might choose the first college i find out has a hockey intramural program...lol! (I have played on rollerblades but it's so difficult)

16. I am the height of the average American male. At 5'8" I feel like a giant.

17. I have never had a valentines date.

18. I am a very nostalgic person.

19. I think about the future in term of relationships, not in terms of what I will accomplish in the world's eyes. I ponder the idea of marriage too often.

20. If the occasion presented itself, I would be the designated driver.

21. I have only one dimple. When I was a toddler I fell on the corner of a low table & long story short now I have a cute, unique dimple!

22. I have an obsession with Love, and with Tragedy.

23. I was not supposed to be born Caucasian. I would have loved to have a unique ethnic heritage to be proud of! I think mixed people are BEAUTIFUL. I wish I was mixed.

24. The days I do not connect/communicate with people are my low days. But at the same time, I am a rather independent person & often get more things done when I'm alone.

25. Sometimes I think I know more about people than they know about themselves. This gets me into trouble.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

My Beloved Monster

My beloved monster and me
We go everywhere together
Wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves
Gets us through all kinds of weather

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Randomly Unrelated Thoughts

"Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals
Because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams."

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I promise, I care more than ANYONE else.
I care about the thoughts that keep you awake at night.
I care about your dreams.
I care about your hurting heart.
I care about your insecurities.
I care about every word you say.

_____________________________________________________

I hate that I am drawn to those who out shine me.
I hate being INVISIBLE.

_____________________________________________________

I am way too interested in everyone's love stories.
If my dreams of love all have to go to hell,
I at least want to know love is real for someone.