wanted

I think sometimes I'd rather not be there and know that i was missed than be there and have to wonder if im wanted at all.

Meant to live for so much more.

I've either found the life I was meant to live or just lost everything. Actually I'm pretty sure now that it's both. I've given most all of myself for the chance to have this new life. Some of what I've lost I'm glad to see gone. Some of what I've lost I tell myself was never important, but it's been paying its toll on me. You can't give up all I gave up and actually survive in the real world. This year is surreal for me. It's full of dreams almost come true. And I'm the type of person who would give up everything for my dreams.

The sad thing is...in the end I fear it won't be worth it.

Cry me a river

It's hard to express numbness.

I hate having wonderful dreams, because as soon as I dream it I am certain it will never be attained. I can't do the whole close my eyes and wait for my true love to save me thing. My doubt keeps my dreams from coming true. There are many a thing that I despise about myself.

How do you stop yourself from falling in love with the most amazing person you know? How terrible it is for your mind to inform you that you've met Mr. Amazing, but then tell you to keep your heart in check?