Silence.

I am almost completely numb to the core.

Which you might think would hurt less.

True numbness would be complete and purposeful ignorance of the truth.

Unfortunately this is not an option for me. I was never made for that.

I feel selfish and impudent for ever having tried to escape.

I am forever tied, hand and foot, in fact, by blood.

What a travesty is it for me to love the place that breaks my spirit.

Sweat and tears have gotten me only more sweat and tears this summer.

Heartbreak seems to be the only available destination.

There's no way to avoid what my heart is screaming out.

Please, take me away! Save me!

But there's only silence. That's my only enduring comfort in this world. Silence.

"I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger." ~Unknown

My eyes hurt. Goodnight.

I'm Finally Here.

I'm finally here.

I used to hide the pain.

Now there is no pain.

I used to love for a desperate cause.

Now my love is pure.

One year ago Jared Weikum asked me to be his.

I didn't know much then about where I'd be now.

But here I am.

This smile is real ya'll.

He's that boy I never expected, but always prayed for.

He's more than a breath of fresh air on the coldest of nights...

He's my light in the morning and my warmth in the summer.

I think of finding a place by the lake to watch the sunrise last fall...

I think of walking in his big snowy footprints this winter...

then going for a walk to spend a few minutes together this next spring...

then I'll be going for a drive to visit Kansas City as often as I can...

then being there for whatever comes next.

I love you always babe.

1.22.10