Mi dos.

You are the quiet I love.

You are the noise I love.

You are the life I love.

You are the distance I love.

You are the closeness I love.

You are the talent I love.

You are the future I love.

You are the present I love.

You are the touch I love.

You are the faith I love.

You are the freedom I love.

You are the moment I love.

You are the reality I love.

You are the dream I love.

You are the thought I love.

You are the similarity I love.

You are the difference I love.

You are the encouragement I love.

You are the answer I love.

You are the question I love.

You are.

...is what I told myself.

In the morning I usually feel that sleep HAS TO BE more important than ANYTHING that could happen in my waking hours...so therefore, I go back to sleep. NOTHING can be more important than getting another hour of sleep! is what I tell myself.

Sometimes I think I'd rather risk getting fat than actually have to run on a treadmill. That makes no sense...because being fit is of utmost importance to me and I want to be in shape more than anything. But I can actually trick myself into thinking being fat/average would be better than having to run. Nothing can be worse than running! is what I tell myself.

I generally think having a good time tonight will be worth any personal bad effects on me tomorrow. By this I don't mean anything sinful...lol...I'm not talking about having sex tonight and being pregnant tomorrow...I'm not talking about drinking tonight and being hung over tomorrow...I'm not talking about breaking the law tonight and getting caught tomorrow. I have a lot of freedom and I choose not to do that stuff...but still, w/e I choose to do that keeps me out late usually has an effect on me Sunday morning (8:00 when I open the gym...I'm a zombie lol). Tonight will be worth it. is what I tell myself.

I don't really like taking medicine. I don't go for all those pills my friends take. I've never gone searching for an Asprin or anything like that. I just don't really need it. Now, when I have a cold my dad tells me to suck on those nasty zinc losenges (sort of like medicine). Now, I'm sure they just might work. But personally, I'd rather be sick than have that disgusting taste in my mouth. is what I tell myself. (So I cough like a smoker all week)

So I had the chance to be in the honors society at school. Hmm that would probably look good for me to be a part of that. But then I read the letter. Oh, I have to write an essay. No thanks. Nothing is worth writitng an essay. is what I told myself.

No one to blame but me I suppose. hah.

True Story.

So, this is me living my life.

Infinite Abyss

So, Garden State is my new favorite movie of all time.

I love it. I love it. I simply love it.

wanted

I think sometimes I'd rather not be there and know that i was missed than be there and have to wonder if im wanted at all.

Meant to live for so much more.

I've either found the life I was meant to live or just lost everything. Actually I'm pretty sure now that it's both. I've given most all of myself for the chance to have this new life. Some of what I've lost I'm glad to see gone. Some of what I've lost I tell myself was never important, but it's been paying its toll on me. You can't give up all I gave up and actually survive in the real world. This year is surreal for me. It's full of dreams almost come true. And I'm the type of person who would give up everything for my dreams.

The sad thing is...in the end I fear it won't be worth it.

Cry me a river

It's hard to express numbness.

I hate having wonderful dreams, because as soon as I dream it I am certain it will never be attained. I can't do the whole close my eyes and wait for my true love to save me thing. My doubt keeps my dreams from coming true. There are many a thing that I despise about myself.

How do you stop yourself from falling in love with the most amazing person you know? How terrible it is for your mind to inform you that you've met Mr. Amazing, but then tell you to keep your heart in check?